A Year In The Life

30/60/90/182.5/365 Day 

Wellness Study

As I approach my 50th birthday at the end of 2020, my health has become the primary focus.  My daughter also just gave me a grand reason to stick around longer!  Not that I didn’t care about my health before, I just didn’t make it a priority like I should have.  But, I am not allowing myself to play the woulda, shoulda, coulda game.  I am where I am , and this is where I begin.  A few years ago, I began working with dōTERRA Essential Oils and began my journey with Essential Oils.  I have seen amazing results in the current ways I use the oils.  There is still so much for me to learn.  When I sat down to really examine the changes that I wanted to make in regards to my health, incorporating Essential Oils into the picture even more was a no-brainer. This Wellness Study will be two-fold, showing results of changes made mid-life and the effectiveness of using Essential Oils.  I hope you will stick around for the next year to see my journey unfold.  I need all the cheerleaders, challengers, information sharers, hecklers, and journey partners I can get!

WHAT? WHY?

I have decided to catalog my progress for a few reasons.  Truly, there is a treasure trove of reasons in my heart, but these are the big ones. 

1. Accountability.  I believe that putting myself out there for the world to see is a great motivator for me.  It’s uncomfortable, raw, and revealing.  This is exactly what I need.  I am a hider, not even going to deny it.  I built a life that I could retreat into without allowing the challenges of life to find me.  While I convinced myself that I was protecting myself from all the bad out there, I blocked a lot of good as well.  This one is probably going to be the hardest for me, but I am committed to doing the hard things.  What's the saying?,  “Difficult roads lead to beautiful destinations”   I am ready for that beautiful destination!

2.  Change of life. I am approaching 50 years of age and recently found out that I am in Menopause.  I have many friends that are also in this stage of life.  I am hoping that I can provide some knowledge through things I will be learning and also some humor to get us through this next phase of life.  

3.  Education.  I am fully committed to sharing what I will be learning over this next year.  This will be about health, fitness, Essential Oils, menopause, and being a brand new Grandma! (or Glama, as I will affectionately be called!)

4.  Leadership.  I have 4 people that have always watched me very closely.  I now have 6.  This is a responsibility that I do not take lightly.  I wouldn’t say that I have failed in this area, I just didn’t give it it’s just due.   I don’t listen to people based on things they say, I listen to their actions.  People are watching whether you know they are or not.  Integrity is the cornerstone of how I want to live my life on purpose.  Not everyone will agree with me or even understand what they are “watching”.  That’s ok.  That doesn’t mean I have to deviate from my beliefs.  I don’t live my life to make people like me, the right people will like me based on how I live my life.  But, I can make them curious to learn more.  Whatever I am doing in my life works for me.  I have many people that I get great ideas from but I don’t live my life like theirs.  It’s a delicate balance of awareness and disconnect.  

PLAN OF ACTION

So here is the plan, Stan.  I should actually premise this with the acknowledgment that I know the plan can (and probably will) change.  But a solid foundation is a good place to start.  

I used to think that everything needed to be mapped out to designated times in order to incorporate them as habits.  Then I began to watch my 17 year old, whom is an extremely regimented person.  I finally asked her what she does to keep on track.  She told me that the list of things that she wants to make sure get done every day have no times attached to them.  Her days are different, but the list remains the same.  So it’s a matter of getting done, not getting done at 10am or not at all.  This was a huge a-ha moment for me!  So, I sat down and made a list of the items that I wish to be completed each day.  Again, as I change, I know the list will as well.  For now, here are my “must-haves” for each day.

Sleep 

Work

Yoga

Walking

TV

Reading/Audible

Writing

Meditation

Games/Facebook 

Self-Care (which some days may just be as simple as a shower)

Cleaning the kitchen

Cleaning at least one room/box 

Take Thyroid medicine

Vitamins

Internally Essential Oils (Slim & Sassy wrap, Fat Bomb)

Diffuse Essential Oils throughout house

ME

To give you a little background on what will drive some of my actions, here is a list of “me”

* I am overweight.  No bones about it, I am.  This is not good with a history of heart disease and diabetes in the family.  I have decided that I will be sharing my starting weight and measurements at the end of this journey.  I am not quite ready to go there yet!

* I had my Thyroid removed in 2000.  This is something, I won’t say I regret, but that I wish I had done more research on, but alas this is where I am at.  I was so sick at the time and not thinking clearly, so I will have to say I worked with what I had at the time.  Hindsight is always 20/20, so again I will not play the W/S/C game!

* I heard a quote from Bob Harper on The Biggest Loser years ago that went something like this, “You are only as young as your back is flexible”  So as it stands today, I am 85.  Years of sitting at a desk hunched over a computer, 4 epidurals, not remaining consistent with my Yoga practice and  carrying around a size E chest for too many years took a toll on the old spine.  I have a lot of relief in my upper back since my reduction surgery, but the lower back is a goner!  

* This may be TMI for some people, so fair warning!  After giving birth to my youngest son in January 2008, I have had a handful of menstruation cycles since.  I am being generous with this number.  I was only 37 at the time, so that should have been considered normal.  Over the last 12 years however, I have visited many doctors and specialists to try to identify why.  I was greeted with, “are you sure you even want it back?” and “wow, you are quite the anomaly!” Well, yes, I wanted it back.  That’s what my body was supposed to normally do for at least the next 10-13 years.  And, thank you for looking at me like a freak while offering no help.  I believe that this altered not only my “female” system, but my mental status as well.  I wish that my health care had been taken seriously, but alas it never was. Truthfully, it’s what made me finally take my health back into my own hands.  I am now in menopause, so the lack of attention to my lack of menstruation has now become a moot point.  

*  My body is riddled with inflammation.  I have tested negative for arthritis, thankfully.  I know inflammation seems to be a buzzword that is thrown around at a lot of different symptoms and diagnoses. * I suffer from Anxiety.  It used to be so bad that I would end up in the emergency room.  Thankfully that hasn’t been a part of my life since 2013.  It more lingers about and makes my second guess myself.  It needs to finally make a grand exit, never to be heard from again.

GOALS

1.  Provide for my family doing a job that feeds my soul and serves my world.

2.  Lose weight. A lot of weight.  I am not looking to be a size 0, but a single digit would be nice.  Health is the ultimate goal.  I would mostly like my chances of a heart attack or stroke to be minimal.

3.  Master my yoga practice.  By the end of this study, I will be supple and able to do a handstand on command.

4.  Cut sugar out of my diet.  I would love to say 100%, but I am going to be realistic and say 75% gone.

5.  Live on purpose with a daily regimen that supports a healthy lifestyle.

6.  Build my Essential Oil knowledge and business.

CHECKING IN

I will be making weekly blogs posts to check in and report progress.  Posts sharing recipes, ideas, and other information will be shared during the week as inspiration strikes.  My daughter has agreed to help me catalog my physical process with a collage.  These will capture the 30/60/90/182.5/365 time lapses.  I am probably not explaining this correctly, but she is 17 so she knows better than I what to do!  

I look forward to all the changes that are coming my way and hope you come along for the ride.  

Let's begin...

Let it go...

     My whole life I have always felt different.  I don't think like a lot of people.  When I look at you, I see a lot more than you show on the surface. No, I am not a clairvoyant. The technical term would be an Empath (I feel other's pain). I learned at a young age that most people don't like to be told their truth.  I remember when I told my teacher, who was going through a divorce at the time, I was sorry that her husband made her sad.  She started crying, I felt terrible. My father told me it was a blessing and a curse that I could read people.  From that day forward, I was very cautious with my verbal observations. A couple of times, I did not hold back, and sadly lost a couple friends in the process.  I'm not sure if it scared them that I could read them, or that their mask didn't work on me.  I was always looking for someone to see me for who I was, so I couldn't understand why they didn't want the same.  I felt that I understood them, they felt invaded. I met a girl in my 11th grade French class that wasn't afraid of what I saw.  I knew instantly that she was my soulmate and best friend for life.  Time and distance made us physically apart, but nothing will ever break that bond.  Every time I speak to her, I am that 16 year old girl again, discovering the world.  She helps me to remember that it's ok that I see things different.

     I think going through brain tumor surgery and cancer treatment with my son, the loss of my oldest sister, a bad divorce, followed by years of pain and heartache had jaded me. Actually, I know it did.  I didn't want to see anyone's truth.  I didn't even want to see my own.  It was easier to retreat into my own safe haven, and not be concerned with what was happening with other people.  I wasn't up for more rejection, and being raw in my pain had removed my filter.  Thankfully, I was pulled out of the quagmire by a fellow seer.  She saw right through my disguise and helped me to find my way back to myself. 

     I have been called a hippy-at-heart, a bleeding heart, a pot-stirrer, and blinded by my Utopian dream. I have watched people hurt each other, hurt themselves, and self-medicate their pain away. It breaks my heart, what I see these days. Our society is standing at the precipice, we need each other, now more than ever. It is time for be to begin voicing what I see again.


  

     I am willing to share with you what I believe.  Not to get you to see things my way or tell you what you believe it wrong.  It is simply to give you insight into the person that I am.  

• I believe that we are all connected.  
• I believe that generalizations are bad from all perspectives. Assuming  you know the way a person thinks based on one belief or interaction can lead to grave misunderstandings. When there are beliefs that cause disconnection, this is where problems can stem from. Seeing only differences causes division and misunderstanding. Believing that your way is the only way is selfish and foolish. Your way is the only way for you, just as my way is the only way for me. We are less different than you may believe. 
• I believe some people mirror the pain we hide inside. Either by knowing the truth about us, or they hide the same truth. When we come in contact with those people, it stirs up emotions we may not be ready to deal with.  This can cause erratic behavior that seems to come out of left field. 
• I believe that we operate from either love or fear.  Everything else is just a variation of each. I operated from fear for years, it did not serve me.  I am so grateful to be back to love. 
• I believe in Eastern Medicine AND Western Medicine.  I believe that there are many wonderful advances and success stories in Western Medicine. I also believe that Eastern has stood the test of time for a reason.  There is a place for both in my world.  My family has seen the effects of both.  
• I believe in Essential Oils, Meditation, Yoga, Reiki, Acupuncture, Acupressure, Reflexology, EFT (tapping), Chiropractic Care, Epsom Salt deprivation tank therapy, Himalayan Salt Cave therapy, Ayurveda, Thyroid Hormone Replacement Therapy, Surgery, and Dermatology. 
• I believe in the Mind-Body connection. I believe that your recovery outcome will be every bit as much due to your attitude as the course of your treatment. 
• I believe what we put out into the world comes back to us in kind.  You can call this Karma, getting what you give, or the Golden Rule.  Your preference, they are the same. 
• I believe that everything happens as it was meant to.  EVERYTHING.
• I believe the phases of the Moon effects my life. I noticed once I started following the Lunar phases, things changed for me.  I was no longer building when I should have been releasing and vice versa.  This is also true of the 4 seasons.  Ever wonder why people's New Year Resolutions don't hold for very long? During the time when our system was designed  to go into a hibernation period and hold on to fat for the winter, does not prove to be a good time for a new diet or lifestyle change.  

     I recently learned that I was doing my intention setting and releasing practices all wrong.  I was always under the impression that you did the intention setting during the full moon and releasing at the new moon.  No wonder none of them came to fruition.  I was trying to set intentions and expansion during the time when the moon is waning.  So, as the moon was depleting in its energy, I was trying to expand mine.  This should be done during the New Moon when it begins the waxing period.  As this new knowledge clicked I my brain, I felt a huge relief wash over me.  Now that my mindset is in the right state, I can accomplish what I am supported to do.    
     
     I have always found the Moon fascinating. How it controls the tides. How it brings the crazy out in people when it's full (ask any ER nurse!) But mostly how it makes my heart feel when I look at it. You and I can be in the opposite ends of town or the country, and we will be gazing upon the same Moon. I find security in that.  I will have to admit, I have always found the name Moon to be a bit drab. Why do other planets moons get cool names? It invokes something in us all. There are many references about it in songs, literature, and poetry. It makes paintings and pictures that much more special just by its mere presence. That fantastic orb that reflects off of the sun never disappoints when it is full. 
     
     Maybe you believe, as I do, that the moon's energy is one to find your flow with or you don't. Either way is fine. We each have our own prerogative to believe what works for us. 
     
     As we transition into the Full Moon tonight, the Moon will begin to wane and this is the time where we should be releasing, not building.  Keeping things status quo and not beginning anything new. Letting go of things that no longer serve us. 

     Tonight I let it go...

     If you are interested in learning how to perform a Full Moon Releasing Ceremony or New Moon Intention Setting, I would be more than happy to provide you with the guides that I use.  

Are you willing to do what it takes?

     Have you ever read or heard something that really stuck with you, and you can't remember where you read or heard it? This has happened to me on more than one occasion, but there is one thing that keeps burning in me to find its source.  I remember the gist of what I read, but I would really like to read it verbatim.  What I remember goes something like this, "Are you willing to do what it takes to get what you want?"  The story went like this, the author was talking about wanting to become a rock star when he was young.  He wanted the fame, the glitz, the glam, the girls; he wanted it all.  But he didn't want to do what it took to get there.  The long hours of learning an instrument, the long hours of performing, touring, bad reviews, good reviews, time away from family and friends, etc.  So in reality, the author did not want to be a rock star, not really.  The shock wave that it sent through me as I read these words was profound.  You would think then my brain would have locked away the source with the quote, since it hit me so hard.  Even though I have not been able to find it, the quote has not meant anything less to me since.  In fact, I think about it daily.

     I once attended a Leadership/Project Management seminar, and during a group project, they asked  us to focus on our task at hand and work from the end backwards.  The premise was to see the end result and figure out all the steps that we needed to get there.  It was a very effective exercise. But, as with 99.99% of things that happen to us in this lifetime, we do not get to see the end result first. We can picture what we would like the end result to be, but that's merely a blueprint. (best laid plans and all!)  I think this is why this quote had such a profound effect on me.  It gave me a way to look at my dreams and goals from a new perspective.

     So, what's a Mama Bear to do?  Am I willing to do what it takes to get where (I think) I want to go?   I do believe it is time to take that blueprint and work backwards.

     Allow me to digress for a moment. I think back to all the times that I have said that I want this, that, or the other thing.  The times that I thought I wanted to pursue something. The times I thought I wanted to live in various other places than where I was at that moment.  Did I?  Not many of them came to pass. So did I really?  I was always able to find a reason or excuse why something didn't work out as planned. It's like New Year's Resolutions.  We all jump on board with the list that includes losing weight, exercising more, spending more time with family, do this more, do that less. It's become a national joke of how many days will it take for you to quit on your list.  In reality, it probably wasn't your list. You didn't really want to do what it took to make those things happen. Harsh reality, I know.  Looking at from this other perspective, I know that I didn't truly want those things, I wasn't willing to do what it took to get them.  When I was young, I used to close my eyes, jump in head first and start to swim.  I had the freedom to allow the wind to carry me where I was meant to be.  As I got older, and then had children, I came to realize that this was no way to live.  I began making decisions from fear based on ideas that I thought I was supposed to want.  This did not work out for me, either.  I never really took the time to sit down and figure out what my strengths are and how I can use them.

     I came to the realization that I wanted to lead a life of service.  Since I always had a very definitive picture of what service meant, I never though that was for me.  What I didn't know was that there were so many ways to serve.  When I made the decision to partner with a Direct Sales company, I met with much criticism and even lost a friend because of it.  I also finally came to realize that all the struggle and strife that I have dealt with in my life was for something greater than I.  Finding a company that not only aligned with my beliefs about the healthcare industry, but also allows me to naturally take control of my health and educate others,  felt like the easiest decision to become a Wellness Advocate.  When you have been beaten down emotionally, trying to see yourself as making a difference, is a dangerous leap.  When your financial stability was stripped out from under you, you have a hard time imaging how you will bring your dream to fruition.  This is where breaking down whether I am willing to do what it takes, will get me where I want to go.   Once I saw how my dream and my passion blended together, it all began to fall into place.

     My struggles as a single mother and along with my health concerns are the foundation that drives me.  I know that I am meant to give women (whether a single mom or not) a place where they can be empowered, build knowledge, and take charge of their lives.  I sat down and wrote out a business plan to do just that.  When that was completed, I sat down again and mapped out what it would take (from me) to make it happen.  Not about the funding, or location, or partnerships. This map was just about me.  The hours involved in the project, the ability to retool the program as necessary, the emotional components involved, the participation and sacrifice from my family,  and the endurance to see it all through. Once I had it all laid out before me, I had to sincerely ask myself if I was willing to do everything it took?  I didn't ask this question for myself, I asked it for my family and the women that I am trying to help. Thankfully, they all received a resounding YES! I am willing to do what it takes.  Now, I just need to name it.

     Stepping out of your comfort zone if not only uncomfortable, it is scary as all get out.  Stepping out of your financial comfort zone is even scarier.  Having the faith to see through is tricky when you still feel unstable at times. But, I know I was given this knowledge and passion for a reason.  This will still be a tremendous leap, but this time my eyes are wide open.

     You know what your hearts desires are.  Now it is time to ask yourself...Are you willing to do what it takes? 

  

Disillusionment and discontent

     I used to be a very disillusioned person.  That became possible because I used to be a very naive person.  So when the real world presented itself, I was dumbstruck.  I always thought that I was "Street Smart", as it turns out that I was "Street Savvy", not so "Smart". I have a very strong intuition which helped me navigate different situations.  I am headstrong and sassy.  That's all you need, right?! I thought I knew all I needed to know about navigating through adulthood.  I was wrong!  I still allowed a lot of people to take advantage of me, and that led to the disillusionment.  The discontent is a result of allowing my life to happen to me.  I had the rug swept out from under me. I then stopped being an active player in my own life.  When people that promised to love and take care of you let you down, you have a tendency to not trust too easily after that.  If they can hurt you, anyone can. I secluded myself and my children into a cocoon of our own making.  We would go out and do things, but only together.  No one else was allowed.  It was easier that way. We were all just fine with this.  Sadly, they all have their own stories of being let down by people they trusted and loved.  I will have to admit, I am on that list.  I let them down, in my eyes, the worst.  They don't think that, but I do.  I should have been showing them how to bounce back, instead I showed them how to hide.  Giving very little of ourselves, and getting less back.  True to form, we had more and more people let us down and leave us.  This is what we expected after all, so they fulfilled our expectations. We won't even get into the subject of dating. That's a whole other therapy session.  

     When my youngest son was in kindergarten (he is now in 4th grade), one of the mom's of his classmates asked me if he could be on her son's soccer team that she was coaching. I declined.  I did not have the funds for extracurricular activities and I was not available to get him to practices and games due to my job.  Thankfully, she did not take no for an answer. (I declined several times) She got him a scholarship through the YMCA and drove him to the practices and games.  She also didn't take no for an answer when she would come over and make us go out with them.  She forced me out of my cocoon.  I was raw and scared.  My wings were no where near ready for flight.  Luckily, she knew this and carried me until I was ready.  She has continued to change my life in ways that I will never fully be able to thank her for. She pushes me out of my comfort zone and challenges me to be the best version of myself.  She tells me the hard things I need to hear, and she lifts my soul when it takes nosedive.  To say I am grateful for her friendship is an understatement. She saved my life.  I kept trying to retreat further and further into my world of self-loathing and self-pity.  She wasn't having it.  Thank God!

     She wasn't the first person to introduce me to Essential Oils, but she was the one that got me involved with dōTERRA. There is a saying that goes something like this... "When you help others, you help yourself". This could not be more true.  Taking the focus off of yourself and getting our of your own head for a while, can be the best medicine.  Using my Balance and Clary Calm oil blends doesn't hurt either.  I now I may sound like a broken record, but beginning to use Essential Oil seriously changed my life.  The ways that it has helped my family and myself  are exponential.  My friend and I have monthly education classes.  Teaching people about natural healthcare has been a lifelong goal for me. I love giving back.  When you spend your time looking for solutions, you forget to wallow.  Life no longer looks bleak.  It is worth fighting for and participating in.  Crazy concept for sure!    

    

     Today, I sit at my computer desk, designing future plans.  I am writing again, and it's not all about pain.  When it is, it comes from a very different place.  It's more of a letting go process than holding on for dear life.  Believe it or not, pain and bitterness actually make you feel alive when you feel little else.  I never felt utter despair, I just felt it wasn't worth it to put myself out there.  I wasn't letting any of the good in because the thought of the bad was not tolerable.  Pulling me out of my shell did not happen over night.  As much I would try to fight her, she never gave up on me. I was so used to people walking away when I would push them, I was out of my league with this woman!

     I now refer to myself as a work in progress.  Progress being the keyword.  I no longer have the unrealistic expectation of being somewhere in my life I am not meant to be yet.  In the past, that would open up the window to berate myself for not achieving what was expected of me.  Who was expecting it of me?  Who knows!  The box I thought I was supposed to live in was fabricated and difficult at best. Taking those first first shaky steps forward turned out to be the best change of my life. And, that's after having 4 kids (one with cancer) and raising them on my own. I now can finally show them what it looks like to move forward.  Sometimes I feel that old pull and wish it had happened earlier in my life, then I realize I am not where I once was.  And, that is perfect!  

      I have goals again. I see the light at the end of the tunnel again. I have hope.  I am taking charge of my health and my life.  The future looks bright again!  I am grateful every day. 

     I feel I am finally ready to fly....

TMI? Probably. Worth Sharing? Definitely.

     I gave birth to my youngest son in January 2008.  I have not had a regular period since April 2007. After the birth of my son, I got an IUD at my 6 week check up.  I had it in the full 5 years and it was removed March 2013.  I was told that with the type of IUD I chose, the loss of my period was common.  Who was I to complain, right?! I figured once I had it removed that they would start up with a few months of removal, or at lest that is what I was told.  In the past 5 years I have had a handful of "spotting" days. When I say spotting, I am being generous.  I went to the doctor for years doing every test under the sun to make sure there was nothing wrong with me.  Most of them dismissed me saying due to my age I was starting menopause. Even though I had no one other symptom.  They excused away the fact that my body was not following the normal protocol of stopping.  I got a lot of "Well, that's odd".  Little did I know the effect that not having my period would have on my body.  I kept getting asked the same question, "Are you sure you want it back?" I never thought the answer would be a resounding "YES!"  I am unable to lose weight, try as I may. (I have increased my physical activity, changed my diet, and cut out all soda.) How do you not lose any weight doing these things?  Especially stopping the soda.  I was also told by each health care professional that the two have no correlation. Who actually knows the other health issues this may have caused, since all of my concerns have been pushed by the wayside.  I have had my hormones checked, I am not in Menopause nor in Peri-menopause.  I have had every square centimeter of my female reproductive organs checked and checked again. They are fully functional and healthy.  I even had a breast reduction surgery that took me from a size E to a C.  Not a pound gone. My blood work is impeccable, especially for a "person of my size", I was once told. UGH!

     So what's a Mama Bear to do?  Take her health into her own hands I say! As you all know, I am a huge fan of Essential Oils and a Wellness Advocate for dōTERRA.  At the beginning of January, one of the groups that I belong to that is focused on our company, conducted a 30 cleanse challenge using our LifeLong Vitality supplement line, our Probiotic, our GX Assist product, our Zendocrine products, DDR Prime, and Lemon oil.  Who doesn't need a cleanse and reset after the holiday's?  I was all on board.  I did really well with following through.  I was loving the way I was feeling.  My head was clear, I was making better eating choices, I had a ton of energy.  I did not drop a pound.  Not a single one.  How is that even possible? It didn't stop me. I decided to do another one mid-March.  I knew that the way I was feeling was worth it. But, was I really ready to accept that I would always be the chubby girl?  I am healthy, but what was there more could I do?  Along with using my Essential Oils, I began learning about Ayurveda and I also began to focus on clearing my Chakras using EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique).

     About 2 weeks before I left to see my family down in Florida for Spring Break, I got a pinched nerve in my neck.  I was miserable, and desperate.  The pain began on my left side at the base of my skull and ran all the way down to my hip.   It made certain activities and sleeping a nightmare.  Sadly, as a single mom, I do not get the luxury of checking out and healing. I do have older children that are extremely helpful and allow me a little reprieve.   I saw my doctor, who ordered an X-Ray.  It confirmed that I have a herniated disc between C4 and C5 in my neck.  She then gave me injections of Lidocaine and a Corticosteroid.  It offered relief for about 3 minutes.  A friend of mine generously set up an appointment with a Chiropractor that was sent down from heaven! His skill and mastery is just shy of miraculous.  My insurance does not cover such services, so paying out of pocket will limit my visits.  He suggested some exercises that will help strengthen the area as to not have a repeat once we get it under control.  My doctor suggested I purchase a TENS unit, which I. I had made a post on my Facebook page about the pain I had been in.  A friend reached out  through a private message, and told me about this nifty device called a Trigger Point Massager.  I had seen this device several time at Bed, Bath, and Beyond.  So, when they opened that next  morning, I ran over and purchased one.  Thank God for 20% off coupons, right?! I left armed with all my goodies and headed to Florida. The beauty of being on vacation is actually getting the time to focus on yourself.  We did a lot of hanging around at my parents, so I took every opportunity to use my new toys.  

     Yes, there is a point to my sharing the dirty details of my female cycles, or lack there of.  I will get to it!  One day, we were all hanging out, and I started to feel crampy.  I thought it was due to the pain that was radiating down to my hip.  So I hooked up my handy-dandy TENS unit and put the pads across my lower back. Ahh, sweet relief.  Then this wave of panic came over me. I hadn't had this feeling in abou10 years, so was I remembering this feeling correctly?  I excused myself to the bathroom and low and behold, Aunt Flo paid her first visit in 10 years!  I was astounded!  I almost didn't know what to do.  Thankfully it's like riding a bike. This time it was for real. No spot-show and go. This time she hung out.  In fact, she's still here. I never would have imagined that would ever make me excited.  I know all you women must think I am crazy!   I may be, but there's a reason for my happiness!

     I decided to pop onto the scale yesterday morning.  I know exactly what I weighed prior to leaving for my trip, having just gone to the doctor.  Guess what wasn't there?  6 pounds! 6. Six. And this morning, 1 more disappeared! Now, I am no doctor, but I DO believe there is a direct correlation.  Prior to this happening to my body, no change.  During, 7 pounds gone.  I changed nothing.  Actually, I ate terrible on vacation.  My mother and I had a game going where she would put out M&M's and I would make them disappear.  I won.  To add to the good news, my pinched nerve is pinched no more! With the help of my nifty devices and the skillful hands of my youngest daughter, I am pain free!

     The reason I decided to share all of this with you was not to over share. I believe we all know our bodies. I did not take no for an answer and decide to take the diagnosis (or lack there of) laying down. I do believe in working with doctors. I believe there are a lot of advancements in medicine.  What I struggle with is the current state of our healthcare system.  I strive to live a proactive life and not reactive. This is why I decided to partner with a company like dōTERRA, who is taking on the current healthcare system and creating clinics of their own.  There will be the full gambit of healthcare choices. A team of dedicated doctors (MDs and DOs), nutritionists, essential oil experts, and wellness coaches. If you are curious, you can read more about it here.

     I am fully committed to taking back control of my health and sharing what I am learning.  Although I wish I had known better to take care of my health when I was younger, I am so thankful that I am still able to!  Don't take No for an answer if you feel like you are not being heard.  Take control of your health today!Whatever that looks like for you. Whatever path you are led to follow.

 

Nervous Nelly

     I have anxiety.  Sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. I feel it the most right before I take a big step forward in life.  I don't have what is called 'situational anxiety' (which is something like social anxiety, or only happens when "something is happening"). Mine is more like a low dull headache that is always there and can switch into a migraine at a moments notice (that's the best analogy I can come up with).  I can be sitting there doing some menial task and not even thinking of stressful things, and all of a sudden my heart is beating faster, my neck and throat feel numb, and my breathing is erratic.  I have had endless tests done, and they cannot find anything medically wrong. It's a good time let me tell ya!  It has to be my body's way of preparing me for great change.  The last time I felt it in the 'a lot' category, I was living in Florida. This time my anxiety feels a little different, as I do not have despair about my current situation as I did before.  You wouldn't have thought I was living in despair, but I was. I lived in a large beautiful home on a golf course and had a solid job.  I was miserable. From sun down to the moment I reared out of bed gasping for air in the middle of the night.  This was a daily occurrence.  I hid it for a long time.  I got really good at having a panic attack without anyone ever knowing. I was overwhelmed, alone, and living a life I did not want. So I took a huge step, quit my job, and returned to Colorado.  The problem was, I thought that I could return to the life I had prior to leaving.  I found myself in a situation where my home and job were anything but stable.  My landlord had gone into foreclosure as we moved in and my job was anything but healthy.  One day, as I returned home after being laid off from my job, I approached my front door to find a foreclosure notice posted for all to see.  All those voices telling me I was wrong for leaving came rushing in all at once.  But, I know I wasn't wrong. I had just made the leap out of fear and that's not going to get you anywhere.  I realized what I truly needed and that was to fall apart and rebuild.  I never had that opportunity after my son's illness and my ex-husband's grand escape.  My body and mind were screaming for it.  I was finally able to return properly to Colorado just over 4 years ago.  I found a situation that allowed me to care for my children, while caring for myself.  It's been a long, hard road back, but my head is finally above water and there is hope in my eyes again!    
  
     The first time I had severe anxiety, my boyfriend at the time, told me that he didn't want to renew our lease together. I was floored. I literally laid on my living room floor and listened to Pink Floyd's Division Bell on constant repeat.  I fell into a hole.  I vaguely remember my mother walking into my home, picking me up off the floor, and taking me to the doctor.  I am sure I scared the hell out of her.  I need to make sure I apologized for that!  The doctor gave me Xanax. It helped, but I didn't like how it made me feel once the anxious feelings subsided.  Throughout the course of my life, I have had several doctors that wanted to put me on a myriad of different medications. When my thyroid and parathyroid went bad, they told me I was a drama queen and put me on Welbutrin. My sister had just passed away, so according to them it had to be that.  I was depressed, not sick. It took a full year to diagnose me correctly. 

     So what's a Mama Bear supposed to do? I had to find a better way.  I have 3 kids that rely upon me for everything.  About a year ago I got back in to doing Yoga daily and amped up my Meditation practice.  This has helped. A lot.  But the low lying anxiety just never seems to cease completely. If I don't take care of it now, it can erupt at any time. I am not willing to try medications. There is nothing wrong with the people that do take them, but for me, they don't work.  Like literally don't work.  I tried.  As I am getting older, carrying this around gets harder and harder each day.

   The day that a friend of mine introduced me to Clary Calm, was the day things changed forever.  Clary Sage is a plant that has amazing calming properties, especially for women.  Many claims have been made regarding hormonal balance, cramp relief, and nerve sedative qualities. For me, this oil blend was a life changer.  Just ask my 15 year old.  Our daily drives to school used to be intense, stressful, and non-productive.  Today, she and I actually sit and share, laugh, and have calm conversations.  That alone is a miracle! I am also a fan of our Balance oil blend. Doing just as the name describes, bring it all back in balance. I mix it with Wild Orange in a roller ball for an uplifting boost. I have heard this combination referred to as the tantrum tamer. I have no problem calling my moods exactly what they are! I use Balance on my son before games and the coach always knows if we miss a day! I am also becoming very diligent in fixing my diet to remove sugar and all processed foods.  Wow, is that hard! Luckily, Basil oil is helping with my cravings while the other 2 keep me sane. Our new Yoga Collection has taken my practice to a whole new level. I am currently experimenting with our new Copaiba Oil as well.  

     I am feeling better and more in control with every passing day. All I can do is wake up each day and work on being the best version of myself.  Finding what works and doesn't work for me. That's all any of us can do, right?!

“These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent disease.”

     

Does this emotional baggage make me look fat?

     We have all heard the term "Emotional Baggage". Unless you are a newborn or made of steel, you have some sort of baggage.  Some of us carry around a small case, some of us require bellboy service. What we hold in those cases shape who we are as people and how we respond to the world around us. Being angry and untrusting, or open and loving are all a result of our past experiences. While I believe in positive affirmations and share many beautiful quotes to help us see the light, I know that it takes a lot of hard work to unload years of bitterness, sadness, and regret. I am fascinated by people that are able to let go of things easily.  I am not one of those people.  You can look at me and see everything I hold on to.  I have worn the fat suit of anger, shame, and fear for years.  I have been working hard over the last year on letting go. It's hard, I'm not even going to kid you. I had resigned myself to the fact that my story made me who I was.  Which is true, in a sense. Telling my story over and over again made me exactly who I portrayed myself to be.  A victim.  I was not allowing anything new in.  Just a constant loop of loss, pain, and sadness.  I figured it was better to keep the good out than to risk letting the bad in. 

     So what's a Mama Bear to do? That kind of thinking had to stop.  I wish I could enlighten you to the very moment that it did, but I can't.  All I know is that it finally did.  I don't remember there being an earth shattering extravaganza happening.  I do know there was a series of things going on, and they all had to do with me stepping out of my comfort zone.  Maybe the stepping out repeatedly, which was a chore by the way, made it easier to no longer live in that loop.  I challenged myself to say yes to my life. As much as I wanted to hide out, as I had been doing, I am so glad I said YES!

     I also began to love myself.  That was hard. I'm not sure I ever really had before.  There are people that hurt me badly, that I found easier to forgive than myself.  But, by loving myself, it made it worth all the effort I needed to conquer my pain. About a year and a half ago, I had a health scare that really woke me up. This was not just about me. It was very selfish for me to not do this for my kids. I couldn't serve from an empty cup, and they needed me to step it up. Things began to get easier and easier as time went on.  I began to read and reread books that helped me get back on track.  I read books that were in the self help category and books that furthered my education of healthy eating and fitness. I became focused on my health and living an all-natural, healthy lifestyle.  Now, instead of berating myself because of all the years that passed that I didn't do what I should have, I now just call myself a late bloomer!  Better late than never, right?! I have so much gratitude for my friend that gave me the book, "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay. That was a game changer for me. It took me reopening it years later to have it finally click. Reading the autobiographies of Mary Kay Ash and Henri Landwirth were also very impacting on me, but I digress. 

     The next thing I did for myself is jump head first into a company that I really believe in.  It fully aligned with my desire for an all-natural solution to pain relief, emotional support, and appetite control. I was sold. I have been called bad names, ridiculed and unfriended because of joining up with a direct sales company. Which is fine, I'm ok with that. I'll just use my ClaryCalm to diffuse that emotional upheaval! If I were to ever feel like I was forcing someone to try something against their will, I would quit on the spot. But, until that day, I will educate and share. 
  
     I remember during some of my darkest days, I would cry alone in my bedroom (or closet, or bathroom, or wherever the kids couldn't find me) and ask "Why me?"  Was I really that bad of a person to deserve such pain? Why were my children meant to suffer and live without? Why couldn't I bounce back like other people do? Why was I meant to do all this alone? I played the woulda, coulda, shoulda game. A lot. I know that I was a drag to be around.  So, I retreated. I built huge walls around my heart and my life.  I became invisible.  Thankfully, I have people that didn't give up on me.  For that, I am forever grateful.  But, I was still the one that had to do the work. It was easier to hide, wallow, and throw my pity party. No one can hurt you if you don't let anyone in.  But, I already knew how that party ended and it was time to try something new. As the saying goes, "Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." It was time to Stop the Insanity!  

     The last thing I did was really open myself up to the possibilities of life. I began a gratitude journal and now focus on what we have, instead of what we don't.  I noticed all the smart powerful women that I was surrounding myself with and realized I had always done that.  It was to time to really embrace that part of my life. I retrained my brain to see opportunities instead of hurdles. I now know "Why Me".

     There are many things that have happened in my life that would shock the pants off of some of you. There are things that have happened in my life that I regret and am ashamed of. There are things that have happened in my life that I could remain angry about until the day I die. Because of all of the "things", I am who I am today. I am a woman that is ready to help other women that need to be pulled out of their sea of despair. I have built up a hard armor in order to carry the weight of their plight until they get their barrings.  I built walls around my heart so that the compassion I need to guide them through, wouldn't escape. I was blessed with 4 children when I had no experience with children, so I could raise humble, empathetic souls that would become my partners. I have lost, gained, and lost again friends, things, homes, jobs, money, and love so that I can know exactly where they are coming from. I am a woman that can empower and inspire, because I too, was empowered and inspired. 

      I recently watched a video with Will Smith, that I will share with you. This really spoke to me. I actually wish I would have seen it 10 years ago!  This was a lesson that took me a long time to learn. Taking responsibility for my life changed everything. I could rightfully place blame on other people that hurt me for the rest of my life, but I would never move forward. I now know that my life experiences are a gift that I would be remiss if I did not share.  Because I have always marched to the beat of my own drum, then it makes perfect sense for my dream to be realized as it will be.  

     I'm not going to lie and say that self-doubt doesn't make an appearance every now and then, or that I am happy and motivated 24/7. That's not realistic.  I have just devised some good coping skills for those days and a support system in place to get me right back on track!  I will always be a constant work in progress, but I am no longer weighed down in despair.  That alone makes all the difference in the world.