I have anxiety. Sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. I feel it the most right before I take a big step forward in life. I don't have what is called 'situational anxiety' (which is something like social anxiety, or only happens when "something is happening"). Mine is more like a low dull headache that is always there and can switch into a migraine at a moments notice (that's the best analogy I can come up with). I can be sitting there doing some menial task and not even thinking of stressful things, and all of a sudden my heart is beating faster, my neck and throat feel numb, and my breathing is erratic. I have had endless tests done, and they cannot find anything medically wrong. It's a good time let me tell ya! It has to be my body's way of preparing me for great change. The last time I felt it in the 'a lot' category, I was living in Florida. This time my anxiety feels a little different, as I do not have despair about my current situation as I did before. You wouldn't have thought I was living in despair, but I was. I lived in a large beautiful home on a golf course and had a solid job. I was miserable. From sun down to the moment I reared out of bed gasping for air in the middle of the night. This was a daily occurrence. I hid it for a long time. I got really good at having a panic attack without anyone ever knowing. I was overwhelmed, alone, and living a life I did not want. So I took a huge step, quit my job, and returned to Colorado. The problem was, I thought that I could return to the life I had prior to leaving. I found myself in a situation where my home and job were anything but stable. My landlord had gone into foreclosure as we moved in and my job was anything but healthy. One day, as I returned home after being laid off from my job, I approached my front door to find a foreclosure notice posted for all to see. All those voices telling me I was wrong for leaving came rushing in all at once. But, I know I wasn't wrong. I had just made the leap out of fear and that's not going to get you anywhere. I realized what I truly needed and that was to fall apart and rebuild. I never had that opportunity after my son's illness and my ex-husband's grand escape. My body and mind were screaming for it. I was finally able to return properly to Colorado just over 4 years ago. I found a situation that allowed me to care for my children, while caring for myself. It's been a long, hard road back, but my head is finally above water and there is hope in my eyes again!
The first time I had severe anxiety, my boyfriend at the time, told me that he didn't want to renew our lease together. I was floored. I literally laid on my living room floor and listened to Pink Floyd's Division Bell on constant repeat. I fell into a hole. I vaguely remember my mother walking into my home, picking me up off the floor, and taking me to the doctor. I am sure I scared the hell out of her. I need to make sure I apologized for that! The doctor gave me Xanax. It helped, but I didn't like how it made me feel once the anxious feelings subsided. Throughout the course of my life, I have had several doctors that wanted to put me on a myriad of different medications. When my thyroid and parathyroid went bad, they told me I was a drama queen and put me on Welbutrin. My sister had just passed away, so according to them it had to be that. I was depressed, not sick. It took a full year to diagnose me correctly.
So what's a Mama Bear supposed to do? I had to find a better way. I have 3 kids that rely upon me for everything. About a year ago I got back in to doing Yoga daily and amped up my Meditation practice. This has helped. A lot. But the low lying anxiety just never seems to cease completely. If I don't take care of it now, it can erupt at any time. I am not willing to try medications. There is nothing wrong with the people that do take them, but for me, they don't work. Like literally don't work. I tried. As I am getting older, carrying this around gets harder and harder each day.
The day that a friend of mine introduced me to Clary Calm, was the day things changed forever. Clary Sage is a plant that has amazing calming properties, especially for women. Many claims have been made regarding hormonal balance, cramp relief, and nerve sedative qualities. For me, this oil blend was a life changer. Just ask my 15 year old. Our daily drives to school used to be intense, stressful, and non-productive. Today, she and I actually sit and share, laugh, and have calm conversations. That alone is a miracle! I am also a fan of our Balance oil blend. Doing just as the name describes, bring it all back in balance. I mix it with Wild Orange in a roller ball for an uplifting boost. I have heard this combination referred to as the tantrum tamer. I have no problem calling my moods exactly what they are! I use Balance on my son before games and the coach always knows if we miss a day! I am also becoming very diligent in fixing my diet to remove sugar and all processed foods. Wow, is that hard! Luckily, Basil oil is helping with my cravings while the other 2 keep me sane. Our new Yoga Collection has taken my practice to a whole new level. I am currently experimenting with our new Copaiba Oil as well.
I am feeling better and more in control with every passing day. All I can do is wake up each day and work on being the best version of myself. Finding what works and doesn't work for me. That's all any of us can do, right?!
“These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent disease.”
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