I Have A Dream...

     In honor of Martin Luther King, Jr.'s birthday, I listened to his infamous speech 'I Have A Dream', as I always do.  Today, it stirred something new inside of me.  Maybe because of the changes that I have been going through, or maybe because of our current social climate.  I think it was mostly because I heard the news of Dolores O'Riordan's passing.  Her voice plays an integral part in the soundtrack of my life.  This news hit me hard. I have been listening to her all morning on YouTube. That alone has awakened things long dormant from my past. Love, pain, accomplishments, and loss. As a person that believes in the synergistic melody of life, it was fitting that I read this as I opened Facebook this morning. Allow me to share it with you:

   
     So what's a Mama Bear supposed to do with all of this?  Hash it out, I say. The me, AFTER. This is an amazing concept.  I have spent a lot of time trying to recapture the person I was, BEFORE. Before so many things. I think I actually have wasted a lot of time in  my life trying to make that happen.  It can't happen. It shouldn't happen.  Who I was before didn't have 4 beautiful children. Who I was before didn't have the knowledge I have today. Who I was before didn't have the same dream inside of her.
     Do you have a dream?  Something that wakes you up at night? Something that you think and talk about incessantly?  Something that you feel wakes up your soul? I do. It stirs in the pit of my stomach every time that I realize I am still not living it.  It is the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing before bed.  It's like an elusive lover that taunts me day and night.  I have written it down, drawn up proposals, pulled it out and polished it up, put it away for safe keeping, and let it infect the inner resources of my brain.  That doesn't even cover the amount of times that I have subjected my children to "hear it all out" again and again and again. So why do I let this dream only stay inside?  What am I waiting for?  As I continue to tear down the walls I have built around my life, there are  less and less excuses that I believe. The fear that I have built up in my head does not warrant the time and energy I have given it. What if Martin Luther King, Jr. had given into his fear. His was real. He gave his life for his cause.  Have I been beaten down so much that I cannot get up this time?  I could play out all the scenarios and it always comes back to the same result. The time is NOW! The time is is NOW to get out of my own head. The time is NOW to leave a legacy for my children. The time is NOW to take control. The time is NOW for this DREAM to come alive!
     I leave you with these parting words from MLK. The first time I read this, it stopped me in my tracks. My spirit is very much alive!