I was introduced to the world of AA last year when a close friend of mine joined. Well, technically introduced to the edge of the world of AA. They are a very exclusive group, as they should be. I believe it is a fantastic organization doing wonderful work. I have heard about the successes of the 12 step program they follow. I'm pretty sure all of us know the Serenity Prayer. I don't really know much about it other than that. While everyone's path along these steps will always remain individual, the bond shared in the journey remains strong and devout.
So, what happens to those of us that need that kind of guidance back from the edge but don't have the specified addictions to become a member? What if you are addicted to the pain inflicted into your life? What if something knocked you off your trajectory and you couldn't find your way back? What about those of us that struggle in silence with our issues because not one single element defines our pain? What if you haven't been clinically diagnosed with depression and don't have the means to seek private counseling? What if our outlets weren't drugs or alcohol, but self-loathing, isolation, eating, shopping, and about 1000 other things that aren't categorized as these group worthy "addictions"? What if we are just alone and overwhelmed?
I decided to look into what they steps were and how they pertained to my needs in moving myself passed my pain.
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable. ~ I can replace the word alcohol here with about 10 other words and this speaks volumes to me.
2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. ~ I believe there are a lot of us that feel the same way I do, and that feeling is that we have been left alone or forgotten about. Some of us need help back to realizing we are not alone.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. ~ I know from personal experience that being led back to God is not a straight path. I also know, for me, that it's a very personal relationship and is not easily defined by any formalized religion.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. ~ Whew, this is a big one. I am assuming this is a big one in AA as well. To go down that well, to trust that you will emerge and not fall into a sea of despair when you begin is definitely something you need a guide for. When you feel alone and isolated and angry at the world, you make a lot of mistakes.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. ~ This one goes along with #4 for me. A biggie. There are some things I have never admitted out loud to another living soul. So I carry that burden around with me every day.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. ~ Letting Go. Simple, yet difficult.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. ~ I would think this would be a difficult step as well, since most of us are defined by our story. Our story of pain, being wronged, of feeling justified to do the things we have done. We would also have to forgive ourselves and not believe we deserve those shortcomings any longer.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. ~ There's that well again. I would assume that everyone finds themselves on their own list.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. ~ What an ultimate healing step. I think this step should also specify that you need to prepare yourself for not being forgiven.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. ~ Living with intention is what comes to mind when I read this step. This is something I have worked for, for a very long time. Now reading the steps that precede it, I now understand why I haven't gotten there yet.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. ~ Laying down my pain. Actually walking through life without it. Living my life as it was actually intended. Amazing.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. ~ To be honest, I feel as though I had a spiritual awakening just reading through these steps. Light and heavy all at the same time. A burning passion stirring inside.
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable. ~ I can replace the word alcohol here with about 10 other words and this speaks volumes to me.
2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. ~ I believe there are a lot of us that feel the same way I do, and that feeling is that we have been left alone or forgotten about. Some of us need help back to realizing we are not alone.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. ~ I know from personal experience that being led back to God is not a straight path. I also know, for me, that it's a very personal relationship and is not easily defined by any formalized religion.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. ~ Whew, this is a big one. I am assuming this is a big one in AA as well. To go down that well, to trust that you will emerge and not fall into a sea of despair when you begin is definitely something you need a guide for. When you feel alone and isolated and angry at the world, you make a lot of mistakes.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. ~ This one goes along with #4 for me. A biggie. There are some things I have never admitted out loud to another living soul. So I carry that burden around with me every day.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. ~ Letting Go. Simple, yet difficult.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. ~ I would think this would be a difficult step as well, since most of us are defined by our story. Our story of pain, being wronged, of feeling justified to do the things we have done. We would also have to forgive ourselves and not believe we deserve those shortcomings any longer.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. ~ There's that well again. I would assume that everyone finds themselves on their own list.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. ~ What an ultimate healing step. I think this step should also specify that you need to prepare yourself for not being forgiven.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. ~ Living with intention is what comes to mind when I read this step. This is something I have worked for, for a very long time. Now reading the steps that precede it, I now understand why I haven't gotten there yet.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. ~ Laying down my pain. Actually walking through life without it. Living my life as it was actually intended. Amazing.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. ~ To be honest, I feel as though I had a spiritual awakening just reading through these steps. Light and heavy all at the same time. A burning passion stirring inside.
Wow. Just, Wow.
I have decided to work through these steps, as it pertains to my needs. Taking an inventory of your life is an amazing experience. I felt it on a small scale when I sat down with a Life Coach recently. We sat down and hashed out some life and business goals. That was looking forward. To be honest, as much as we may ever plan, until we look backwards we will always hold ourselves back. The key is, of course, to then let it go. So far, I feel it is going well. I am alone on this journey and realize this is why they are passionate about their sponsors.
While watching Super Soul Sunday one day On-Demand, I came across an episode with Brené Brown. She is a writer of books 'Rising Strong ', 'Daring Greatly', and 'I thought it was just me' to name a few. She stated that her focus was to begin a global conversation about the experiences that bring meaning to our lives – courage, vulnerability, love, belonging, shame, and empathy. That statement really struck a chord within me. I thought long and hard about what kind of global conversation I would like to create. I believe the answer reveals the heart of our passion or WHY. Those of you that know me well, or have read my other entries, know that I have a wicked crush on Simon Sinek, the writer of 'Start With Why'. I am extremely passionate about finding your WHY. Finding my WHY has made a huge difference in moving myself forward. The next steps are then finding your WHAT and HOW. As I sat down to write this entry, I began in one place and ended in another. That's usually the way self discovery goes, but we seem to never brace ourselves for that, do we?
So what's a Mama Bear to do now? I believe my next logical steps are to create something that I always needed. They say 'Necessity is the Mother of Invention'. I am very passionate about single moms (single parents, really). I am mostly passionate about the effects this status has on their families. I am also very passionate about nutrition and leading a healthy lifestyle. I have done a lot of research and learning in these areas. For the people that find themselves in a stressful, financially dire, and unsupported situation with their single parenthood, I want to offer a way out of that quagmire. I felt like I have floundered for years. There are a lot of poor decisions that are made when you are pushed into a corner. Unhealthy eating is a big one, either done out of lack of funds or pure exhaustion. Time spent away from your children as your try to provide all they need. Not being able to offer extra-curricular activities either because you can't afford them, or you cannot get them to all the practices and games or shows. Not being able to move yourself forward in a career or business venture that would be able to provide better choices for your family because you cannot give the time required, cannot pursue the schooling needed to advance, or cannot produce the funds to make your dream happen. These are just a few things that come to mind when I think about the needs out there. Believe me, I could go on for days with a list! What this whole thing looks like is hard to explain. I see it all perfectly in my head, I even have a building picked out. I know, for sure, that the necessity is there.
Now let's get to work on the HOW.
Now let's get to work on the HOW.
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