State of Emergency

     These last 2 months have been a whirlwind of emotion, busyness, and eye opening experiences.  I have written 3 other entries that seemed to each fall by the wayside. As my birthday happened, the holidays crept up quickly, and the end of the year drew near I couldn't seem to focus on one single thing. I think I wasn't allowing myself  any introspection until I really had the time to do it properly.  Once all of the holiday stuff was taken care of, I could finally sit and take it all in. Yesterday became that day.  I can't guarantee it will all make sense, but I do guarantee it needed to come out!
     I found out recently that a previous neighbor of mine was killed suddenly in a car accident.  It was shocking on many levels. She, her husband, and kids were that family that were just generally happy.  Nothing flashy about them, just pure unadulterated love for each other.  They went through their days as a solid unit. They were nice to all they met, just all around good people.  So, when she and her 3 year old perished in the accident, it shook me to my core. It really all can be over in an instant.  I can't imagine how hard this Christmas was for him and their eldest son. It really made me then think hard about people that get notified of something like that or a health scare diagnosis and turn their life and health around.  What do we all wait for?  We all know our mortality is a fact. We are all in a State of Emergency. Or, at least, we should be.
     What am I waiting for?  A dire diagnosis? A notification about a family member after it's too late?I already know what getting a cancer diagnosis feels like. It may not have been for myself, but as a parent, that feeling is the same.  I knew the changes that needed to happen instantly for my son.  So why not me?  Did I need to hear those words directed towards me to be effective?  I know that my body is not healthy. I know that my mind is not clear.  I know I am not happy with the way things are.  I decided, I am not waiting any longer. I am giving myself that notification and dire diagnosis today. I can give it a scary name, but I'm not sure it needs one.  For now we will simply call it out for exactly what it is.  I have Inflammatory Disease and someone I love is dying from it as well.  This is the leading cause of 99% of all fatal diseases, so that name is scary enough to me.  If I stay the current path I am on, I am looking at a lifetime of joint and muscular pain, a plethora of prescriptions for daily consumption, more prescriptions to counteract the original ones, possible heart attack, possible stroke, cancer. Take your pick, So there it is. My diagnosis. Consider me notified. Now is time for my State of Emergency flag to go up and signal the need for change.
     So, what' a Mama Bear to do with that news?  Well, make changes of course.  I wouldn't currently be in the condition I am in today if making those changes were easy.  I'm not going to kid myself that it will be all sunshine and daisies from here on out.  But, I do believe that this is the first time I really acknowledge the need for real change. I have built an amazing support system around me and am expanding my knowledge each day.  I am more mindful than ever of my choices and how they affect my future.  I'm not here to convince anyone that my way is the best way.  I am not following one person's suggestions.  I am using all of the things that feel authentic to me and know that is the right way for me. I am beginning a cleanse on the 8th, I joined a gym, daily meditation, yoga, essential oils, and I am committing to a Pescatarian diet once my cleanse begins.  Those are just a few things to begin my new journey. I am open to sharing my journey with anyone that wants to join in.  I believe wholeheartedly in accountability and information sharing.
      Over the past 2 weeks, I have been asked several times what my word for 2018 is.  After some work that I did with a Life Coach, I landed on Authentic.  Last year my word was Worthy.  That worked out fabulous for me! I believe it is time for me to get back to the basic core of who I am.  A lot of twists and turns, jaded experiences, and improper intimidation made me dull my shine.  I molded myself into someone that I thought people wanted me to be. They all kept leaving me. And I kept getting unhealthier as a result.  I thought I did it for them.  I was wrong.  Now, the right people are sticking around.  I believe it will only get better from here.  I still need to work on being comfortable in my own skin.  That doesn't have anything with being a size 6 for me.  That may never happen again.   And, that's ok. Being healthy, interesting, active, curious, and my best self is the end result that works for me.
     I wish you all the things for 2018 that make your heart swell, your pulse rapid, and sets your soul on fire!