Are you willing to do what it takes?

     Have you ever read or heard something that really stuck with you, and you can't remember where you read or heard it? This has happened to me on more than one occasion, but there is one thing that keeps burning in me to find its source.  I remember the gist of what I read, but I would really like to read it verbatim.  What I remember goes something like this, "Are you willing to do what it takes to get what you want?"  The story went like this, the author was talking about wanting to become a rock star when he was young.  He wanted the fame, the glitz, the glam, the girls; he wanted it all.  But he didn't want to do what it took to get there.  The long hours of learning an instrument, the long hours of performing, touring, bad reviews, good reviews, time away from family and friends, etc.  So in reality, the author did not want to be a rock star, not really.  The shock wave that it sent through me as I read these words was profound.  You would think then my brain would have locked away the source with the quote, since it hit me so hard.  Even though I have not been able to find it, the quote has not meant anything less to me since.  In fact, I think about it daily.

     I once attended a Leadership/Project Management seminar, and during a group project, they asked  us to focus on our task at hand and work from the end backwards.  The premise was to see the end result and figure out all the steps that we needed to get there.  It was a very effective exercise. But, as with 99.99% of things that happen to us in this lifetime, we do not get to see the end result first. We can picture what we would like the end result to be, but that's merely a blueprint. (best laid plans and all!)  I think this is why this quote had such a profound effect on me.  It gave me a way to look at my dreams and goals from a new perspective.

     So, what's a Mama Bear to do?  Am I willing to do what it takes to get where (I think) I want to go?   I do believe it is time to take that blueprint and work backwards.

     Allow me to digress for a moment. I think back to all the times that I have said that I want this, that, or the other thing.  The times that I thought I wanted to pursue something. The times I thought I wanted to live in various other places than where I was at that moment.  Did I?  Not many of them came to pass. So did I really?  I was always able to find a reason or excuse why something didn't work out as planned. It's like New Year's Resolutions.  We all jump on board with the list that includes losing weight, exercising more, spending more time with family, do this more, do that less. It's become a national joke of how many days will it take for you to quit on your list.  In reality, it probably wasn't your list. You didn't really want to do what it took to make those things happen. Harsh reality, I know.  Looking at from this other perspective, I know that I didn't truly want those things, I wasn't willing to do what it took to get them.  When I was young, I used to close my eyes, jump in head first and start to swim.  I had the freedom to allow the wind to carry me where I was meant to be.  As I got older, and then had children, I came to realize that this was no way to live.  I began making decisions from fear based on ideas that I thought I was supposed to want.  This did not work out for me, either.  I never really took the time to sit down and figure out what my strengths are and how I can use them.

     I came to the realization that I wanted to lead a life of service.  Since I always had a very definitive picture of what service meant, I never though that was for me.  What I didn't know was that there were so many ways to serve.  When I made the decision to partner with a Direct Sales company, I met with much criticism and even lost a friend because of it.  I also finally came to realize that all the struggle and strife that I have dealt with in my life was for something greater than I.  Finding a company that not only aligned with my beliefs about the healthcare industry, but also allows me to naturally take control of my health and educate others,  felt like the easiest decision to become a Wellness Advocate.  When you have been beaten down emotionally, trying to see yourself as making a difference, is a dangerous leap.  When your financial stability was stripped out from under you, you have a hard time imaging how you will bring your dream to fruition.  This is where breaking down whether I am willing to do what it takes, will get me where I want to go.   Once I saw how my dream and my passion blended together, it all began to fall into place.

     My struggles as a single mother and along with my health concerns are the foundation that drives me.  I know that I am meant to give women (whether a single mom or not) a place where they can be empowered, build knowledge, and take charge of their lives.  I sat down and wrote out a business plan to do just that.  When that was completed, I sat down again and mapped out what it would take (from me) to make it happen.  Not about the funding, or location, or partnerships. This map was just about me.  The hours involved in the project, the ability to retool the program as necessary, the emotional components involved, the participation and sacrifice from my family,  and the endurance to see it all through. Once I had it all laid out before me, I had to sincerely ask myself if I was willing to do everything it took?  I didn't ask this question for myself, I asked it for my family and the women that I am trying to help. Thankfully, they all received a resounding YES! I am willing to do what it takes.  Now, I just need to name it.

     Stepping out of your comfort zone if not only uncomfortable, it is scary as all get out.  Stepping out of your financial comfort zone is even scarier.  Having the faith to see through is tricky when you still feel unstable at times. But, I know I was given this knowledge and passion for a reason.  This will still be a tremendous leap, but this time my eyes are wide open.

     You know what your hearts desires are.  Now it is time to ask yourself...Are you willing to do what it takes? 

  

Disillusionment and discontent

     I used to be a very disillusioned person.  That became possible because I used to be a very naive person.  So when the real world presented itself, I was dumbstruck.  I always thought that I was "Street Smart", as it turns out that I was "Street Savvy", not so "Smart". I have a very strong intuition which helped me navigate different situations.  I am headstrong and sassy.  That's all you need, right?! I thought I knew all I needed to know about navigating through adulthood.  I was wrong!  I still allowed a lot of people to take advantage of me, and that led to the disillusionment.  The discontent is a result of allowing my life to happen to me.  I had the rug swept out from under me. I then stopped being an active player in my own life.  When people that promised to love and take care of you let you down, you have a tendency to not trust too easily after that.  If they can hurt you, anyone can. I secluded myself and my children into a cocoon of our own making.  We would go out and do things, but only together.  No one else was allowed.  It was easier that way. We were all just fine with this.  Sadly, they all have their own stories of being let down by people they trusted and loved.  I will have to admit, I am on that list.  I let them down, in my eyes, the worst.  They don't think that, but I do.  I should have been showing them how to bounce back, instead I showed them how to hide.  Giving very little of ourselves, and getting less back.  True to form, we had more and more people let us down and leave us.  This is what we expected after all, so they fulfilled our expectations. We won't even get into the subject of dating. That's a whole other therapy session.  

     When my youngest son was in kindergarten (he is now in 4th grade), one of the mom's of his classmates asked me if he could be on her son's soccer team that she was coaching. I declined.  I did not have the funds for extracurricular activities and I was not available to get him to practices and games due to my job.  Thankfully, she did not take no for an answer. (I declined several times) She got him a scholarship through the YMCA and drove him to the practices and games.  She also didn't take no for an answer when she would come over and make us go out with them.  She forced me out of my cocoon.  I was raw and scared.  My wings were no where near ready for flight.  Luckily, she knew this and carried me until I was ready.  She has continued to change my life in ways that I will never fully be able to thank her for. She pushes me out of my comfort zone and challenges me to be the best version of myself.  She tells me the hard things I need to hear, and she lifts my soul when it takes nosedive.  To say I am grateful for her friendship is an understatement. She saved my life.  I kept trying to retreat further and further into my world of self-loathing and self-pity.  She wasn't having it.  Thank God!

     She wasn't the first person to introduce me to Essential Oils, but she was the one that got me involved with dōTERRA. There is a saying that goes something like this... "When you help others, you help yourself". This could not be more true.  Taking the focus off of yourself and getting our of your own head for a while, can be the best medicine.  Using my Balance and Clary Calm oil blends doesn't hurt either.  I now I may sound like a broken record, but beginning to use Essential Oil seriously changed my life.  The ways that it has helped my family and myself  are exponential.  My friend and I have monthly education classes.  Teaching people about natural healthcare has been a lifelong goal for me. I love giving back.  When you spend your time looking for solutions, you forget to wallow.  Life no longer looks bleak.  It is worth fighting for and participating in.  Crazy concept for sure!    

    

     Today, I sit at my computer desk, designing future plans.  I am writing again, and it's not all about pain.  When it is, it comes from a very different place.  It's more of a letting go process than holding on for dear life.  Believe it or not, pain and bitterness actually make you feel alive when you feel little else.  I never felt utter despair, I just felt it wasn't worth it to put myself out there.  I wasn't letting any of the good in because the thought of the bad was not tolerable.  Pulling me out of my shell did not happen over night.  As much I would try to fight her, she never gave up on me. I was so used to people walking away when I would push them, I was out of my league with this woman!

     I now refer to myself as a work in progress.  Progress being the keyword.  I no longer have the unrealistic expectation of being somewhere in my life I am not meant to be yet.  In the past, that would open up the window to berate myself for not achieving what was expected of me.  Who was expecting it of me?  Who knows!  The box I thought I was supposed to live in was fabricated and difficult at best. Taking those first first shaky steps forward turned out to be the best change of my life. And, that's after having 4 kids (one with cancer) and raising them on my own. I now can finally show them what it looks like to move forward.  Sometimes I feel that old pull and wish it had happened earlier in my life, then I realize I am not where I once was.  And, that is perfect!  

      I have goals again. I see the light at the end of the tunnel again. I have hope.  I am taking charge of my health and my life.  The future looks bright again!  I am grateful every day. 

     I feel I am finally ready to fly....

TMI? Probably. Worth Sharing? Definitely.

     I gave birth to my youngest son in January 2008.  I have not had a regular period since April 2007. After the birth of my son, I got an IUD at my 6 week check up.  I had it in the full 5 years and it was removed March 2013.  I was told that with the type of IUD I chose, the loss of my period was common.  Who was I to complain, right?! I figured once I had it removed that they would start up with a few months of removal, or at lest that is what I was told.  In the past 5 years I have had a handful of "spotting" days. When I say spotting, I am being generous.  I went to the doctor for years doing every test under the sun to make sure there was nothing wrong with me.  Most of them dismissed me saying due to my age I was starting menopause. Even though I had no one other symptom.  They excused away the fact that my body was not following the normal protocol of stopping.  I got a lot of "Well, that's odd".  Little did I know the effect that not having my period would have on my body.  I kept getting asked the same question, "Are you sure you want it back?" I never thought the answer would be a resounding "YES!"  I am unable to lose weight, try as I may. (I have increased my physical activity, changed my diet, and cut out all soda.) How do you not lose any weight doing these things?  Especially stopping the soda.  I was also told by each health care professional that the two have no correlation. Who actually knows the other health issues this may have caused, since all of my concerns have been pushed by the wayside.  I have had my hormones checked, I am not in Menopause nor in Peri-menopause.  I have had every square centimeter of my female reproductive organs checked and checked again. They are fully functional and healthy.  I even had a breast reduction surgery that took me from a size E to a C.  Not a pound gone. My blood work is impeccable, especially for a "person of my size", I was once told. UGH!

     So what's a Mama Bear to do?  Take her health into her own hands I say! As you all know, I am a huge fan of Essential Oils and a Wellness Advocate for dōTERRA.  At the beginning of January, one of the groups that I belong to that is focused on our company, conducted a 30 cleanse challenge using our LifeLong Vitality supplement line, our Probiotic, our GX Assist product, our Zendocrine products, DDR Prime, and Lemon oil.  Who doesn't need a cleanse and reset after the holiday's?  I was all on board.  I did really well with following through.  I was loving the way I was feeling.  My head was clear, I was making better eating choices, I had a ton of energy.  I did not drop a pound.  Not a single one.  How is that even possible? It didn't stop me. I decided to do another one mid-March.  I knew that the way I was feeling was worth it. But, was I really ready to accept that I would always be the chubby girl?  I am healthy, but what was there more could I do?  Along with using my Essential Oils, I began learning about Ayurveda and I also began to focus on clearing my Chakras using EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique).

     About 2 weeks before I left to see my family down in Florida for Spring Break, I got a pinched nerve in my neck.  I was miserable, and desperate.  The pain began on my left side at the base of my skull and ran all the way down to my hip.   It made certain activities and sleeping a nightmare.  Sadly, as a single mom, I do not get the luxury of checking out and healing. I do have older children that are extremely helpful and allow me a little reprieve.   I saw my doctor, who ordered an X-Ray.  It confirmed that I have a herniated disc between C4 and C5 in my neck.  She then gave me injections of Lidocaine and a Corticosteroid.  It offered relief for about 3 minutes.  A friend of mine generously set up an appointment with a Chiropractor that was sent down from heaven! His skill and mastery is just shy of miraculous.  My insurance does not cover such services, so paying out of pocket will limit my visits.  He suggested some exercises that will help strengthen the area as to not have a repeat once we get it under control.  My doctor suggested I purchase a TENS unit, which I. I had made a post on my Facebook page about the pain I had been in.  A friend reached out  through a private message, and told me about this nifty device called a Trigger Point Massager.  I had seen this device several time at Bed, Bath, and Beyond.  So, when they opened that next  morning, I ran over and purchased one.  Thank God for 20% off coupons, right?! I left armed with all my goodies and headed to Florida. The beauty of being on vacation is actually getting the time to focus on yourself.  We did a lot of hanging around at my parents, so I took every opportunity to use my new toys.  

     Yes, there is a point to my sharing the dirty details of my female cycles, or lack there of.  I will get to it!  One day, we were all hanging out, and I started to feel crampy.  I thought it was due to the pain that was radiating down to my hip.  So I hooked up my handy-dandy TENS unit and put the pads across my lower back. Ahh, sweet relief.  Then this wave of panic came over me. I hadn't had this feeling in abou10 years, so was I remembering this feeling correctly?  I excused myself to the bathroom and low and behold, Aunt Flo paid her first visit in 10 years!  I was astounded!  I almost didn't know what to do.  Thankfully it's like riding a bike. This time it was for real. No spot-show and go. This time she hung out.  In fact, she's still here. I never would have imagined that would ever make me excited.  I know all you women must think I am crazy!   I may be, but there's a reason for my happiness!

     I decided to pop onto the scale yesterday morning.  I know exactly what I weighed prior to leaving for my trip, having just gone to the doctor.  Guess what wasn't there?  6 pounds! 6. Six. And this morning, 1 more disappeared! Now, I am no doctor, but I DO believe there is a direct correlation.  Prior to this happening to my body, no change.  During, 7 pounds gone.  I changed nothing.  Actually, I ate terrible on vacation.  My mother and I had a game going where she would put out M&M's and I would make them disappear.  I won.  To add to the good news, my pinched nerve is pinched no more! With the help of my nifty devices and the skillful hands of my youngest daughter, I am pain free!

     The reason I decided to share all of this with you was not to over share. I believe we all know our bodies. I did not take no for an answer and decide to take the diagnosis (or lack there of) laying down. I do believe in working with doctors. I believe there are a lot of advancements in medicine.  What I struggle with is the current state of our healthcare system.  I strive to live a proactive life and not reactive. This is why I decided to partner with a company like dōTERRA, who is taking on the current healthcare system and creating clinics of their own.  There will be the full gambit of healthcare choices. A team of dedicated doctors (MDs and DOs), nutritionists, essential oil experts, and wellness coaches. If you are curious, you can read more about it here.

     I am fully committed to taking back control of my health and sharing what I am learning.  Although I wish I had known better to take care of my health when I was younger, I am so thankful that I am still able to!  Don't take No for an answer if you feel like you are not being heard.  Take control of your health today!Whatever that looks like for you. Whatever path you are led to follow.